Kevin Sent...

I have to share a secret with you, kittens, that you're going to find hard to believe: I am not famous. I know, I know, with this gorgeous mane, colorful ink and killer rack, you're asking yourself, how could I not be? Well, it's a miss-tree. (Shakespeare in Love, people, watch it!) Would I like to be? Eh. Rich, yes. Not so much with the famous. Maybe just the friend of someone famous. (Psst: all you out there, get to it.) I could see myself lunching with Lucy Liu at Spago. Eddie Izzard and I could be bosom buddies because we could share clothes. I'd even let Britney shave my head if she'd share the wealth. But, most of all, I'd love to be friends with a famous writer. I'm fascinated by people who can get words out of their heads onto paper. I like to attend famous author readings because I want to physically see the vessel that housed such amazing ideas.

And that brings us to the start of my newest hobby: stalking. I've decided to stalk Kevin Brockmeier. He's the guy who wrote The Brief History of the Dead, which I recently read and loved. His writing is just gorgeous and original and I want to tell him I think so. Michele just recently forwarded a short story he did for Esquire magazine, and it's amazing. One of the reasons I love the internet is because you can contact famous people with the quickness of a face-to-face encounter, while allowing you time to think of perfecting what you're going to say and not have to worry about fainting or drooling on your shoe in front of them. (The sum total of words I said to Eddie Izzard after chasing him down in New York: four. "Uh," "uh," "uh," and "uh.") You can also send them naked pictures of yourself, free from the prying eyes of the employees at Photomats, thanks to digital technology. (Not that I would, I'm just saying...) So, I've decided to try and write and tell him I love his writing. Aside from Christopher Moore, I have very little experience contacting famous people. I wrote to "Weird" Al Yankovic once and received a form letter back, saying I could join his fan club for $15. Soleil Moon Frye sent me back a personalized autographed picture, and it wasn't until I was well into my twenties when it occurred to me she probably didn't write it herself. Those were both when I was eight and that's about the extent of my contact with the famous, aside from standing next to Dickie Barrett at a Joe Strummer concert. My first step: find out how to get in touch with him. I'm going to do some investigating on the web later on tonight. Second step: write an amazing letter that will make him want to fly me out to Little Rock, Arkansas and hire me on as personal adviser from then on out. Or I could just send him the cereal photo...P.S. For those of you who have been asking when the Froot Loops picture will be posted, still not feeling that brave. I'll work on it.