So Genius Josh hooked me up with this really cool thing that keeps track of the traffic on my blog. It tells me neat stats, like where in the world viewings are coming from and how many hits my site gets a day, etc. One of the other things it does is show me how people came across my site. So, for instance, someone Googled "kitten ate paper," and in the list of search results, my entry about eating a page from a book popped up. It's really fun. Or it was, until yesterday, when I found that someone had found my site while searching for "soliel moon frye naked." Punky Brewster! Someone wanted to look at Punky Brewster naked! I mean, I know that she's all grown up now, but still! Someone has perverted my childhood. That's like ten years from now, searching for naked pictures of Dakota Fanning! (I hope no one is searching for them now!)Geesh, you guys...Besides, if you really need to see naked pictures of Punky Brewster, just click here

I am the most introverted extrovert there is. Or extroverted introvert, one of those. I have this blog, but when people read it, I get so embarrassed. Tom Holbrook mocked me. "Oh, I put something on the worldwide web because I don't want people to read it!" It's true, I have no self-confidence. It has often been said that if I realized even a fraction of my powers, the world would be in serious trouble. Admittedly, I'm very shy. Well, until you get to know me and then you can't get me to shut up. But still, I understand shyness. This brings me to today's topic: people posting things about me on Craig's List.

Let me back up. About a month ago, an article in the local (*ahem*) paper was brought to my attention. In honor of Valentine's Day, they had a story about "Missed Connections," a section on this site called Craig's List, where people can post comments in hopes of reconnecting with someone. For example, "At the mall: you were wearing all white and eating a bologna sandwich. I was the man in the purple spandex shorts staring at you over my copy of 'Better Homes and Gardens.' Did we have a moment? Contact me." You get the picture. So in this article, they referenced some posts that pertained to the Seacoast. One of which was this, seeking the red head at the store where I used to work: "You work at the Moes in town Portsmouth. You have a few tattoos and I just think you are the bomb! I dont go in too much, I wouldnt want to be "that guy" that does the weird stuff. I want to talk, and know you better. Maybe you will see this and respond....or maybe someone who knows her will tell her I tried to tell her, on CL. We will see..... J." I found out about this a few days later when someone pointed it out, much to my horror. How embarrassing! Right there for the whole town to see. Since the article appeared, every few days someone points out that they saw it. And everyone wants to know, did I contact him! NO! Are people crazy? It gives me the creeps! Even if I wasn't completely crazy about someone else-CREEPY!

People tell me it's romantic, I should be flattered, it's the future way of meeting people, blah blah blah. No thank you. And I was almost over it, until this was brought to my attention today: "To the bookseller in Commercial Alley on 3/8/07: I was in today and found you very attractive. Is there anyone you call "special" or are you free to fool around? I hope you see this note. Please let me now."

EVEN CREEPIER!

Not to mention I was red pencil-ing them- no way would I respond to someone who doesn't use apostrophes or forgets the 'k' in 'know!' I'm sorry, but get over your shyness, or your weirdness, or whatever, and face rejection like a man. Don't put things out there so other people will do your work for you. It's not like I blend in, it's obvious who it is. I'm the Dennis Rodman of Portsmouth! I have the creeps so bad now. What if he's watching me through the window while I type this? I understand being shy, but there are some things better done face to face. Punching someone who embarrasses you online, for instance. Am I overreacting? Feedback, people. Maybe we'll even get Significant Dave to weigh in on this one...